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There was a time I was a terrible being. It was a long time ago yet not in the pattern of time and space. And while being terrible I was really only confused, conflicted, angry and very afraid. I did not know I was just a human being trying to find my way back to the light I came from. While in the darkness of selfish behavior I did many things that kept me conflicted with what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was be a successful, sweet, loving, trusting, giving person. When I was a little kid I had sweet ‘original mind’ as Buddha puts it. 

I have a good education in conflict resolution and have been able to help many who were where I was in that “tragic expression of unmet needs” as Dr. Rosenberg puts it. (NVC) I still sponsor and help people in many ways which is the give-it-back service position of AA program. We have to give what we found and share experience, strength and hope. It is a pleasure to do so. 

Alcoholism is a fatal and dark malady. It causes impossible trouble, hopeless trouble, the kind of trouble that is serious. But AA was born out of this serious trouble. From the darkness of despair came the light that broke the darkness of selfishness and resentment to free most alcoholics that work the AA program. I came from that deeply disturbed place to where I am now.

The past is a different country and I don’t live there anymore. Today I am free, happy and full of joy in spite of life 101 and its stuff. As a senior citizen with failing teeth and body, with economic challenges, with less and less choices that younger people have I still find myself pretty content and accepting. I have 34 years clean and free from alcoholism. So I am not terrible anymore and that was that time. I am living in this time and you know what I have a Mystery Power I do business with and not for a second am I left to myself—my needs are always met. Guess I could say it is now the wonderful time of being me. 

I am grateful.

For more information on my work and to get in touch go to www.negotiatingshadows.com.