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There was a time I was a terrible being. It was a long time ago yet not in the pattern of time and space. And while being terrible I was really only confused, conflicted, angry and very afraid. I did not know I was just a human being trying to find my way back to the light I came from. While in the darkness of selfish behavior I did many things that kept me conflicted with what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was be a successful, sweet, loving, trusting, giving person. When I was a little kid I had sweet ‘original mind’ as Buddha puts it. 

I have a good education in conflict resolution and have been able to help many who were where I was in that “tragic expression of unmet needs” as Dr. Rosenberg puts it. (NVC) I still sponsor and help people in many ways which is the give-it-back service position of AA program. We have to give what we found and share experience, strength and hope. It is a pleasure to do so. 

Alcoholism is a fatal and dark malady. It causes impossible trouble, hopeless trouble, the kind of trouble that is serious. But AA was born out of this serious trouble. From the darkness of despair came the light that broke the darkness of selfishness and resentment to free most alcoholics that work the AA program. I came from that deeply disturbed place to where I am now.

The past is a different country and I don’t live there anymore. Today I am free, happy and full of joy in spite of life 101 and its stuff. As a senior citizen with failing teeth and body, with economic challenges, with less and less choices that younger people have I still find myself pretty content and accepting. I have 34 years clean and free from alcoholism. So I am not terrible anymore and that was that time. I am living in this time and you know what I have a Mystery Power I do business with and not for a second am I left to myself—my needs are always met. Guess I could say it is now the wonderful time of being me. 

I am grateful.

For more information on my work and to get in touch go to www.negotiatingshadows.com. 

 

The Teeth

The Teeth

 

“Yes, I took her dentures!”

“Why? How did you get into that part of the building?”

“My brother used to work here. I followed him around when I was a kid.” “Didn’t have parents—he watched me.”

“What else did you take?”  “Well, a rug and an eye and a couple of suits.”

“A rug? Off the floor?” “What eye?” “Where?”

“It covered his bald head—and the other one had a glass eye.” “They all have suits.”

“So—you take body parts?”

“Well if it comes off or out easy like.”

“They don’t need them anymore.” “Got lots of friends that can’t afford this stuff.” “You know—Poverty!”

“My God this is a funeral home!”  “What are you thinking?”

“Got lots of people I know who need stuff—can’t afford teeth and hair and eyes and fancy suits and stuff.”

“Oh my God!”

 

 

Holy Peace

Holy Peace

Once Upon a Time—there was a Major God that created things. All sorts of life. When The Great Mystery started to create the ‘two legged’ beings there was some doubt. The Committee of Gods talked among themselves and came to the conclusion that they should go ahead and give these strange humans a chance. They were wonderful and horrible in nature. They were equally beautiful and ugly in every way so One God put a stipulation on the creation process. The consensus was that they demonstrate their striving for beauty and nobility three times when challenged to be in a state of violence.  They all agreed and the people of two legs were created male and female.

Over time many humans appeared on Mother Earth and did some really great things but they also did some pretty bad things. When the wars and peace were at a 50% split The Gods came down to Earth in many forms and gave the original contract to them through many scrolls, holy books, images, music, dances, magic, etc. Some humans got it and became prophets,  priest, preachers, shamans, witches, and medicine people and others became terrorist, dictators, killers, the creators of conflict, confusion and violence.

Then one eventful day a hugh space craft from the Holy Space Brothers sanctioned by the Holy Space Sisters landed on Earth and gave the Great Hopi nation the power and instructions as to what was going to happen from now to eternity with the humans that were divided. Anyone who did not get that they were Holy, Special, Noble, Spiritual, Creative, Transformed, Lovely, Working a Program and conflict free (more or less) would be given three chances to prove they could live up to that which they were created—in the image of The Great Spirit—and after three chances they were to be recalled and recycled. That was the decree.

Many strived through their three chances but many just could not or would not get the simple program of transformation. So many disappeared from Mother Earth leaving the many that did make it and were happy, joyous and free.

The End. 

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The Fig tree is an old grandma that gives forth figs to eat. To become one with her and to honor her I wear her twigs in my hair and peek out in wonder at her power, grace and strength as she continues to teach me compassion and love. Thanks MC for the figs and the Sacred Fig Tree. 

 

 

Prayers at the Tree. It is only when I am humble that I will have power. Power is only important when I am not in it. I am not in charge the Great IS is. Be Zen and therefor happy.

Prayers at the Tree

Oh Great Mystery—humble me

Best Moose Ever

She was the best moose ever. She came into the yard often especially during hunting season. She seemed to know there was safety there. I invited her to stay as long as she wanted. She bedded down behind the shed many nights then would disappear into the woods for what seemed like a long time. Then just when I thought the hunters had gotten to her she would appear again. That made me happy. There was something about the connection we had as I gazed out at her from my front window. She knew I was looking at her. She would turn and gaze back at me.

She left one day in early spring after the last of the winter snow melted and I did not see her for the whole summer. Fall came and still no moose friend. The winter snow started to fall, coating the ground of the garden where she used to stand to eat the berries hanging over the fence. Winter set in for the long haul, darkness became the norm and I gave up hope to ever see her again. Then it happened! She came back with her two babies. It was strange she would appear in the winter with babies. They were just growing out of their young calf time but they were her family and they survived the late calving.

She had no idea how her appearance gave me hope. Or did she?  You see, I had just lost my husband and was very lonely and sad. The sight of her and her twin calves represented the cycle of life at its best, the beginning. Warm life in the middle of winter is special. She walked up to the window, looked at me and walked to the back of the yard, went over to her spot at the fence and now the three of them bedded down near the old shed. My heart grew warmer and I think I could feel a smile on my face for the first time in awhile. She is the best moose friend ever.

Its Christmas time, or if you like holiday time, and all over the US there are trees being put up in city squares, in living rooms, in offices, even on porches. These trees were once alive, growing reaching for the sky. Suddenly they find themselves cut off from growth and reaching. There is something wrong with that and there is something OK with too because what these sacrificed trees  do to serve human needs at this time of the year.

The smell of pine, the green surrounding the modern earth detached, the twinkling lights hanging on the branches symbolic of stars, the mystery of the ancients who worshiped the tree bridging to present time. Then there is the gathering of people around the tree, giving gifts wrapped in pretty paper, glee in children’s eyes, hope on the faces of elders remembering childhood at the foot of the tree—repeated history and tradition intact. Even the hopeless, bitter and angry soften a bit this time of the year. Compassion and empathy come forth as hearts open wider. All because of the perfect tree who sacrificed itself for the sake of the need. The need of rekindled love. The need of peace as the angle is placed on the tip of its top.

Have a great holiday at your tree this season. Celebrate your perfect tree.

Celebrate and Be Merry

Construction Guy

A real raincoat

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